Motherhood did a number on me.

Motherhood did a number on me.

Motherhood did a number on me.

And I’m talking far beyond the scale.

Motherhood did a number on me mentally and inwardly.

I always said motherhood wouldn’t change me, but boy was I wrong.

Motherhood sure showed me!

I didn’t know I would have the child I always dreamed of, yet so often not enjoy it.  I didn’t know I would be on edge most of the time and stress over the tiniest things.

Things are sure coming around.

Maybe it’s the Zoloft I was on for a bit.

Or the counseling we started taking.

Maybe it’s the break from Mother’s Day Out.

Or all the me time I have purposely been taking.

Maybe it’s because my son can now say “yooove you” and gives me hugs and kisses.

Maybe it’s because I am finally. adjusting. after 2 whole years.

It may be one of those things.  Or a few added together.

Or maybe this is far more normal than we give it credit.

Just maybe, friend, it takes some people 2 years to adjust.

So mama, give yourself more credit than you do. 

Motherhood is hard.  It takes a toll on you physically and mentally.  It takes a toll on your relationships.  Raising children is a huge life change, and if it isn’t going quite the way you always hoped or imagined, hang in there.

Better days are coming.

And in the meantime, do everything you can to take care of yourself.  See your doctor, get your thyroid level checked out, talk to a counselor, exercise, have lunch with a friend, go on a date, do something kid-free.

Mama, may you find joy hiding underneath all the mess, exhaustion, worries and cares of motherhood.

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Stand Firm.

Stand Firm.

I was reading a story in the Bible where Pharaoh (the Egyptian king) sent 600 of his best chariots (old school army!) after a group of people trying to leave his land. Can you imagine?! The people of course panicked to their ring leader, Moses, thinking they were about to die.

Moses responds, “Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

I think of so many people who may feel like something is chasing them down.. problems, pain, brokenness, insecurity, worries, sickness. Anxiety has set in. Maybe it feels like 600 chariots.

I know it’s hard to not be afraid or not worry. You may feel like you have to fight this thing tooth and nail, and there may not even be anymore fight in you.  But just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And when you can’t even do that, take Moses’ advice and just stand.

Verse 28, “The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen- the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. NOT ONE OF THEM SURVIVED.”

God’s not expecting you to fight your own battles.  Stand firm.  God has you. He always wins.

_do not be afraid. stand firm. the lord will fight for you; you need only to be still._exodus 14_14

“Mama, jump.”

“Mama, jump.”

“Mama, jump.” These are the sweet words of my 1 year old as he wants me to come outside and play on the trampoline with him.

I open the back door and stick him outside, so I can clean up after lunch and get a few things done. But my son is very specific and points right next to him for me to come outside with him. We go back and forth, and he wins. I can’t resist.

So, I zip him inside the trampoline and sit on the back steps. He then points right next to him on the trampoline and his famous words, “Mama, jump!”. I ask him playfully, “Do you want mama to jump with you?!”, and of course, “Yes!” with the biggest smile on his face.

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I have been trying to be fully present and soak in these precious moments that I know are going fast.

Of course, being present is a physical thing, but it’s much deeper than that.

For me, it means less social media.

It means putting some housework on hold.

A big one for me is taking better advantage during nap time to recharge and get a few things done.

I can be in the same room with Owen, yet my mind be completely full of all kinds of other things. Being present and enjoying these moments means figuring out how to clear some head space and just enjoy.

There’s a million things I can do or think about, but I never regret pushing something away to be with Owen.

This is my job after all, and I am pretty lucky for that.

Almost all the time I forget just how lucky I am.

Lucky to have a front row seat in this little man’s life. Lucky that I get to do this. Lucky that he chooses me and says, “Mama” pointing for me to join him in his favorite things.

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